If Mitt Romney is an Etch-a-Sketch

Mitt Romney adviser Eric Fehrnstrom said he wasn’t worried about the candidate’s primary statements hurting him in the general election when he needs to appeal to more moderate voters, because the flip-flopping candidate is like an Etch-a-Sketch: “You can kind of shake it up, and we start all over again.”

This comparison took me aback, because if I was going to pick a toy that epitomized Mitt Romney, I might go for the obvious with the classic game, Monopoly. Or maybe Twister. But Etch-a-Sketch is good. Really good.

Naturally, Romney’s primary opponents were all on the stump yesterday, holding the bright red toy as a shiny new emblem of Mitt’s flip-floppiness.

I got to wonder: If Mitt is an Etch-a-Sketch, what does that make the other men and women who would lead our nation?

Rick Santorum

The only problem with this classic 1966 Fisher-Price Two-Tune “TV” is that it’s too modern for Rick Santorum, who seems to be calling for a return to a simpler time — the 17th Century. Other than that, this is a perfect illustration of his vision for our country: No sex, drugs or rock and roll. Or choice.

Newt Gingrich

I can’t look at Mr. Potato Head without hearing the voice of Don Rickles (thanks to the Toy Story movies). I think that character is pretty Gingrich-y: fond of making proclamations that thinking people might find insulting. You can change Potato Head’s appearance so that one year, it can sit with Nancy Pelosi and urge you to do something about global warming — but the next election year, deny that climate change even exists.

Ron Paul

This puzzle is deceptively simple, but takes a surprising amount of time to solve. Kind of like Ron Paul, who has been campaigning for years on Libertarian issues like getting rid of the Federal Reserve. A decade ago, many people wrote him off as a fringe politician — but perseverance (and the Internet) have given him a formidable following among our young… and he may prove a force at a brokered convention.

Michele Bachmann

I hesitated to include toys girls’ toys that were created to enforce a female stereotype — but I think the Easy-Bake Oven is appropriate for Bachmann. With her Biblical view of the law and statements that she submits to her husband, she really is a throwback to another era, when women were expected to stay home and bake cookies. Not that Michele thinks SHE should get out of the House and back in her home.

Nancy Pelosi

As Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi was a master of strategy — not unlike what you need to win the card game UNO. Even conservative historians have termed her the most effective Speaker in history.

Bernie Sanders

In this game, players string interlocking plastic monkeys that gain strength and mass by linking together — which sounds an awful lot like socialism. Senator Bernie Sanders is the only member of Congress who identifies as a Socialist. He is also a hero to everyone who believes that affordable healthcare is a right.

Roger Ailes

Both parties are good at creating emotional images that message better than words. Roger Ailes and Fox “News” are masters of this, but the 2008 Obama team beat them at this game. Fingers crossed for 2012.

Paul Ryan

Paul Ryan’s efforts to make it sound like he’s “saving Medicare” when his budget actually guts it (and what’s left of the social safety net) is reminiscent of this game, where players try to build an elaborate Rube Goldberg-like Mouse Trap (which is less efficient than the ones we already use).

Rick Perry

The Slinky: Like Rick Perry, it moves without doing anything particularly useful . It can, however, go downhill rapidly.

Frank Luntz

We Democrats need to improve our skills at this game, where Republican Frank Luntz is the undisputed master. It’s not a levy on an estate, but a “death tax.” It’s not consulting with your doctor so your loved ones will know your wishes, but a “death panel.” Fire up your “Words With Friends,” everyone!

Hillary Clinton

Today’s kids’ toys are pretty advanced — like both this LeapFrog Explorer and Hillary Clinton, whose 2008 Presidential campaign poked a hole in the glass ceiling — and who continues to serve our country with intelligence and dignity as Secretary of State.

Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin = Silly Putty. It’s not just that they have the same initials, or that so much of what she says is ridiculous. Well, actually — I guess it IS.

Joe Biden

The Radio Flyer is an American classic: Durable, Dependable and Utilitarian, even if its owner steers it off-course once in a while. You always know what you’re getting — just like Vice President Joe Biden.

Barack Obama

Barack Obama wants to build back our infrastructure and strengthen the middle class. He is like a Lego set — but not just any Lego set. Obama sees the complex relationships we must navigate as a nation, so he’s akin to one of these advanced Architecture sets. This one of the White House is perfect.

The United States of America

I think of this Jenga game as a metaphor for our country, before the GOP started chipping away at our safety net, piece by piece — until now, when we’re in serious danger of completely toppling over.

I realize that there are other politicians that should make this list (John Boehner, Eric Cantor, et al), but I had to stop somewhere. Which toys would YOU associate with them?

 

 

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