by Erin Kotecki Vest: My son wears a hoodie every single day to school. He covers his head faithfully and rarely hears friends say hello as we walk inside or adults saying good morning as he tends to be lost in his own world, muffled by the hoodie around his ears.
My son would do anything for his little sister and happily get her candy. He would even question any adult questioning him for no reason- as we have taught him to stand up for himself, speak out for what is right, and question authority. He would run from strangers. He would, however, feel safe with a police office.
I think.
My son, however, can do all of these things without fear. He is white. He ‘belongs’ in that suburb. He looks like every other white kid in the area and a ‘neighborhood watch captain’ would easily dismiss his walking down the street as a normal, every day occurrence. As would a police officer. As would the community.
As a white mother to a white son, I’ve never had to explain to him what he should and should not do when confronted by police. I’ve never had to talk with him about how the world views him or prayed he wouldn’t be next.
Yet we live in a world where people deny racial issues still exist. They do not even understand white privilege. They actively cry ‘reverse racism’ as if they are the victim. They even have the nerve to call those who fight for racial equality ‘race baiters,’ ’racers’ and have attempted to spin and twist and re-write history as if THEY have lost out because Americans owned slaves and those slaves were oppressed for generations, after which they were then oppressed under Jim Crow and then under the institutionalized racism that continues to permeate our culture today.
Yet these NON ‘of color’ victims’ have started a very dangerous trend, a very risky trend, a very uninformed and downright stupid trend that has them looking like very scared white folk, realizing their hold over the majority-and power-is slipping.
You see, as ‘one of you’ I get to hear all about it from family and friends and neighbors and others who seem to think that just because I am white I ‘understand’ what they mean when they say ‘our neighborhood is changing’ and ‘that school has too many kids who don’t speak like our kids’ or ‘you know the high school only recruited him because he can play ball.’
Then there are the comments on blogs and national media calling the NAACP racist, the United Negro College Fund racist, and those who support our President racist because we have the nerve to notice these overwhelmingly white people are angry and saying things and doing things they would NEVER do if the man occupying the oval office were caucasian.
They say all these things while innocent children, carrying candy in a suburb, are shot for walking down the street while black. As Jackie Summers writes,
“This isn’t some fresh new hell; it’s torn open old wounds most would prefer to believe have healed.
The concept that you are suspicious.
The concept that you have to justify where you are and what you’re doing.
The concept that there are people who are so afraid of you, they feel they’re protecting themselves and others, by killing you, even if you’re unarmed.
The concept that those charged with law can show up, knowing exactly what happened, and choose not to uphold it.
The concept that it requires a national outrage to incite justice.
The concept that there are those who would vociferously defend the murderer out of one corner of their mouths, and accuse the murdered from the other.
For no other reason than the color of your skin.”
Yet if you were to read a Right Wing blog today, you would think THEY were the victim or horrible racial attacks. The last I checked, white children like mine, even in hoodies, even walking in a suburb with candy, were not being shot for walking while white.
It is far from time for the white, right-wing to drop this act of victimhood in the American stories of racial inequality. It is embarrassing. It is ignorant. It is offensive.
Trayvon is not the first black child to die, he will not be the last. We owe it to every child to move the discussion on race FORWARD. Forward means NOT back to eras that have long past and have long ago put an indelible mark of hatred and evil on our nation that some on the right seem to think have been made up for, erased, or should be at the very least whitewashed, refusing to feel guilt for something they had nothing to do with. I don’t feel guilt as a white liberal, I feel anger. I feel anger that some conservatives say they see no color, claim to operate on an even playing field, and refuse to even discuss racial implications in any debate for fear they will have to be honest with themselves, our history, and the glaringly obvious fact we have NOT come as far as we would like to think.
We owe it to children of color to know the world MY children have grown up knowing. Where they don’t need to be told that they have to make allowances for other people’s racism because …’That’s part of the burden of being black. We can be defiant and dead or smart and alive.”
It is time to change the conversation, and it starts with the adults. I have no right to send my son to school tomorrow morning in his hoodie without fear, when so many other mothers will be sending their sons off wondering if they will ever come home.
Erin Kotecki Vest is an award winning journalist and former political editor at BlogHer. This post originally appeared on her personal blog, Queen of Spain.
Thank you for your bravery. It is rare indeed for white mothers and fathers to speak out in a society that they clearly benefit from. I have always said that a Million White Man March would garner so much more power than a Million Black Man march, for our stories have been told time and time again, so much so, ears and eyes glaze over at the thought of yet another one. But, when the previleged (i.e., any one who doesn’t have to be concerned because of the color of their skin) speaks out, a new energy is released and it demands every one’s attention, be it negative or positive. Either way, one has to come to some kind of terms with the system of apartied that the US has maintained for generations. We are all suffering, and the fear goes both ways. Thank you again.
THANK YOU……………
This is beautifully written…I felt your heart in every word..
You are amazing!
Thank you. Thank you and well said.
Its not just a persons color its other things as well… my son wears hoodies everywhere he goes but is a skateboarded so if he has his board he is followed harassed and bothered…my daughter dyes her hair and has piercings and tattoos and is looked at diferently as well…its too bad that they or anyone faces this type of discrimination when you havent even taken the time to know that person their value their worth their morals….what a sad state when our society is sooo judmental and assumes the worse of someone due to color race nationality looks dress etc
Stacey, Your comments are accurate, but only to a point about this situation. Your son can leave his skateboard at home. Your daughter can change her hair color, remove her piercings, and cover up her tats. In other words, they have a choice in how they present themselves to society. Black teenage males, hoodies or not, are still Black, and people respond as if they are dangerous, even when they are in suits. Please don’t minimize this specific issue by generalizing it to all discrimination.
Thank you, Kevin. We need to take a breath and resist making this about us again and how *we* are discriminated against “too.”
Thank you. Thank you. Thank YOU!
Thank you, this was great!
Erin, I felt your passion. God bless you for sharing your thoughts and bringing light to this subject. Wonderfully written. Thank you.
You so so so get it. Mother, I don’t know you but I love you! You truly get it. I promise you, there are tear streaming down my face as I type this comment.
I love you, and I so wish more of our non-minority brothers, and sisters understood. I just noticed that even one of the commenters here missed it, but Erin you get it… you so get it and I love you for it…
Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! (as tears well in my eyes) Courageous, Visionary, Powerful, Healing, Loving=No Bull Shit! You Rock this!!!
This is perfect to start healing dialogue with people of color. As in all humanity being understood is one of the major needs in living. Thank you for seeking to understand when it is easier to turn a blind eye.
Big Hugs!!!
OMG … Thank you!!!! You said so beautifully exactly what was going on in my head but couldn’t get it down on paper – I sharing this on both twitter and FB – I pray that others will listen and read your words with a better understanding –
Hello,
Your blog has touched me in such a profound way I can not even begin to understand. I just had a discussion like this yesterday with some friends about our universal responsibility as parents and as fellow human beings to tend to and secure a better future for our children’s future by dealing with racial issues head on. As a black man, it is inspiring to read something like this. I applaud your insights, efforts and willingness to step up. Truly, the divine in me, honors the divine in you. Blessings.
~Bilal
Although not as well written as yours, this was simply a posting I made on Facebook, but decided to capture it in blog form.
http://mrbilalhayles.wordpress.com/2012/03/25/a-blind-eye/
Thank you,
~Bilal
Perfect. I have chills. This dialogue needs to happen. I have to really work on being patient with people who just aren’t ready to take a hard look at what’s going on. Calling Obama racist for saying if he had a son, he’d look like Trayvon. Unreal. But we need to keep pushing for the discussion and calling out people who want to make it about them again, instead of the real issue that is just below the surface, but limits opportunity for this country’s children.
I was born in 1963. I teach 6th grade. When we study Dr. King and the Civil Rights Era, I constantly tell the kids “This was during *my lifetime*!!” Showing them YouTube clips and letting them see how people were treated. We have a lot of healing to do still.
Thank you for putting this out there. So well done.
So much tears….THANK YOU!
Thank you so much for speaking up! It’s going to take voices from every hue to admit and defeat racism.
I applaud your insight. You are truly remarkable. Thank you, thank you, thank you.